Harry Potter and the Curse of the Millennium Items
by Amanda Halliwell
Summary: A parody about the YugiOhHP xover ficlet.I seen many of them on this site and thought I would do one of my own. Suggestions are welcome as to what happens next whether it be cannon or otherwise. I do not do Yaoi, because it scares me
1. Chapter 1

**Harry Potter and the Curse of the Millennium Items **

**Prologue**

It was a beautiful summer's day in Domino City and since this is the American version of Yu-gi-oh, Domino City is in America and they all speak pretty good English. Kaiba, the youngest CEO in history was currently throwing yet another tournament to see if he could beat Yu-gi Motou. Now, he'd tried and failed to beat Yu-gi many times before and he hadn't yet got it through his head that he probably wasn't ever going to. But that didn't stop him, because it was now the final round and it looked like he was inches away from victory. The life-points were as standing: _Kaiba_: 1000 lp to _Yu-gi_: 800 lp. Now one would assume you wouldn't make a spectacular comeback from losing this much, but Yu-gi was one of a kind and would draw exactly the card he needed because he believed in the Heart of the Cards.

As predicted, Kaiba summoned the _Blue Eyes White Dragon _to the playing field. This, Yu-gi knew, was why he kept losing. He wasn't about to enlighten Kaiba, though, that it was his _Blue Eyes _that was failing him every time.

'Blue Eyes _again_?' Yu-gi asked, 'Right. I summon the Dark Magician magic card.'

This made no sense to anybody. Yu-gi's _Dark Magician _had 2500 LP and five hundred less life points than what all three of Kaiba's dragons had combined. Yet the _Dark Magician _had never yet failed to win him a duel. Especially against Kaiba, who hadn't got it through his head that every time the _Dark Magician _was played meant that he was about to lose. So instead, he gloated.

'What? Your Dark Magician has five hundred less life points than my dragons,' he observed.

'Yes, but I summon another card, _Dark Magician Girl _in attack mode! But wait, there's more!' Yu-gi cried out triumphantly, 'I also summon _Chaos Magician _in attack mode. Together, their attack points are double what your dragons have.'

'Oh no!' Kaiba exclaimed now cottoning on to the fact that he was going to lose.

Yu-gi's cheerleaders started whooping again. They were so sure he was going to lose. Anzu, Yu-gi's girlfriend, looked very relieved that her boyfriend wasn't going to lose. She had been held in suspense even though Yu-gi won every time against Kaiba. So Yu-gi had decided to end his turn there even though he could attack Kaiba right away. But Kaiba had other ideas than summoning a different monster to win against Yu-gi.

'I use the polymerization magic card!' he exclaimed forcefully, 'This combines all my dragons into _Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon_. This makes it unbeatable by your magicians, Yu-gi.'

So Kaiba attacks Yu-gi's _Dark Magician _directly. Only, his attack is blocked and somehow the _Dark Magician _has gained extra life points and so has Yu-gi. Yu-gi explains his new trap card that he had face down on the field in great length. Kaiba looks scandalized, because he could no longer do anything else in his current turn. It looks like his chances of winning are coming to a close, but his little brother Mokuba is still cheering him on happily oblivious to the fact that Kaiba was going to lose. Yu-gi on his next turn uses another magic card to power up all three magicians so they are unbeatable by Kaiba's _Blue Eye's Ultimate Dragon_ and defeats Kaiba. Kaiba looks positively annoyed.

'Next time Kaiba you might want to consider using the Heart of the Cards,' Yu-gi lectures, as always at the end of every duel.

'Save it for someone who cares Yu-gi,' Kaiba growls angrily when suddenly people start to scream all around them.

For a moment they don't know or realise what is going on. But the screams keep getting louder and there are constant flashes of green light absolutely everywhere. Now strictly speaking they should have started panicking. But none of them had worked out why anybody was screaming just yet.

'Ohmigod!' Anzu cried out, terrified, 'What's going on?'

'That's what I intend to find out,' Kaiba said automatically heading towards the trouble.

'I don't think that's a good idea Kaiba,' Yu-gi complained, 'It sounds like people are getting killed—'

Suddenly the doors to the stadium burst open in a jet of red light. Standing before them were the strangest looking people wearing black cloaks, robes, and white masks with what looked like sticks in their hands. Kaiba stopped dead in his tracks and gave the strange men the evil eye. When suddenly, another group of people entered fighting hard: jets of light from green and red both flashed around the arena. Yu-gi and friends were unable to move as the battle wore on, wondering what the hell was going on when they should really have run away.

Finally, the battle seemed to die down. With cracks, some of the cloaked men disappeared from the room. One of the cloaked men, wearing a strange purple robe and cloak, came towards them. He had a long silver beard, blue eyes and wore horn-rimmed glasses. He was looking very anxious and obviously wanted to see if the teenagers were all right.

'Who do you think you are destroying my theme park?' Kaiba demanded angrily.

'I am Albus Dumbledore,' the man explained carefully, 'I am the Headmaster of a school of magic called Hogwarts. I believe you are the ones we have been looking for. The holders of the Millennium Items, something which a Dark Wizard named Voldermort has been looking to gain control over for some time now.'

**_Author's Note: _**_Hi everyone. I'm doing this strictly humour related, so it goes through the normal Yu-gi-oh/Hp xover paraody type thing. My spelling, while good, is New Zealand spelling, so bare that in mind before reviewing. Tell me if you've any ideas for what you want to happen in the plot, however, I will still go with my original plotline if no comments are made. _


	2. Harry Potter meets Yugioh

**Harry Potter and the Curse of the Millennium Items **

**Chapter One**

It was extremely dark and gloomy. Thunder clapped and lightening lit up the room illuminating several white masks what hid the faces of the Death Eaters. Of course we all know who they are anyway: Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Avery, Nott, etc. etc. The room they were standing in was also very dark and gloomy just like it was outside, and because it was raining nobody particularly wanted to _go _outside either.

'What news have we of our progress?' Asked Harry in a sneering tone. Now we know it's not _really _Harry speaking, but Lord Voldermort. However, we will grit our teeth and carry on in anticipation pretending we think Harry's the bad guy.

'The Millennium Items are now under Dumbledore's control,' a silky smooth voice said (Severus Snape), 'He and the Order of the Phoenix outnumbered us, he has the new students at the Order of the Phoenix Headquarters. They are to attend Hogwarts.'

Harry gave Snape a piercing look. He wasn't very happy with his Death Eaters progress at all. They were in muggle territory for heavens sake! The Order of the Phoenix should have been at a disadvantage because they wouldn't want to hurt any innocent bystanders. He had been counting on that. He pouted and then quickly rearranged his face into a convincing snarl.

'What about the other items, then?' Harry asked severely.

'A muggle named Shadi guards them,' Lucius Malfoy said softly, 'he has the power of the Millennium Key to keep him in power, giving him strange abilities even for a Muggle.'

'Right,' Harry said evenly, '_Crucio!_'

Tell me you didn't see this coming. Harry _crucioed _Lucius Malfoy who screamed very loudly. Harry himself heard the screaming and enjoyed it, but miles away the other, _dreaming _Harry woke up screaming loudly in Number Twelve Grimmauld Place.

He had not liked his dream. It was one of series of dreams he'd been having over the summer. First there were the endless corridors that lead to nowhere, then there were bits and pieces of what Voldermort was doing. This was not entirely unexpected, Harry had once before sensed when Voldermort was angry and supposed it was only natural to get visions of what he was doing, too. On top of that, he hadn't had a very good summer. He'd suffered a Dementor attack and had to use his magic, and protect Dudley, and _now _attend a hearing to clear whether or not he was a raging lunatic like the _Daily Prophet _was reporting.

He got up, grumbling, and wondering what the hell Millennium Items were. What was the Millennium Key? Who was Shadi? Little did Harry know that when he went downstairs he would find out all about the Millennium Items, what they did, and about the spirits _Yami _and _Bakura. _He would also piss of Kaiba, annoy Joey, and start a shouting match. But he wasn't to know that, and he went downstairs anyway where he heard Ron and Hermione talking to strange people he didn't know.

'Ah,' Dumbledore said cheerfully, 'Hello Harry. I must be on my way you know, can't hang around. These are some exchange students that will be attending Hogwarts this year. Be nice, have fun.'

With that Dumbledore disapparated from the scene. All faces flicked to Harry's scar on his forehead and away again. Harry was used to this and chose to ignore it.

'Who are you guys?'

'I'm Yu-gi' a purple haired boy said cheerfully, 'These are Anzu, Joey, Kaiba, Marik, Bakura and Ishizu.'

Harry shook each one of their hands in turn, and then noticed Yu-gi's Millennium Puzzle around his neck. It was big and chunky and had a weird looking _eye _in the centre of it. Harry thought it was rather too large to be worn round the neck and wondered how Yu-gi managed to get around without his neck falling off.

'What's that round your neck?' asked Harry suspiciously.

'It's my Millennium Puzzle,' Yu-gi explained just as cheerfully as before, 'It contains a spirit called Yami. He sometimes takes over my body and duels for me. It's a card game we play in America.'

'Wait I've heard of Millennium Items! I had a dream about them,' Harry said eyeing the Puzzle apprehensively, 'Voldermort wanted them for some reason and he sent Death Eaters to get the rest from this guy called Shadi, only they failed and now he's torturing them because of it.'

'You've heard of Shadi?' Anzu asked amazed, 'He's the one what guards the Millennium Items, isn't he Yu-gi?'

'That's right,' Yu-gi agreed, 'Shadi gave me power over my Dark Magician card and taught me about my Millennium Item.'

'Does anyone else here have a Millennium Item?' Harry asked curiously.

'I do,' Marik announced, 'It's the Millennium Rod. It controls minds. My sister Ishizu has the Millennium Necklace. The Millennium Rod is supposed to be Kaiba's, but Kaiba refused it because he doesn't believe in magic.'

'How can you not believe in magic?' Ron asked stupidly.

'You're just as bad as the mutt,' Kaiba growled, 'I've heard shit about these Millennium Items for years. They're stupid objects, and I don't care much about them. I have a company to run, so when you're finished with this charade, I'm going home.'

'I thought you agreed to attend Hogwarts, Kaiba?' Anzu asked skeptically, 'You said you believed in magic when Professor Dumbledore showed you some.'

There was an argument about whether or not Kaiba believed in magic, and then Kaiba reluctantly agreed after the trio displayed some even though underage magic isn't allowed outside school. They didn't get in trouble for it though, because the Ministry apparently can't tell who's using magic when they're around adult wizards who _can_.

After that, Mrs. Weasley decided that everyone should be doing housework and keeping Grimmauld Place tidy. Kaiba immediately complained that he wouldn't be doing any housework because he had a company to run and didn't have the time. He had servants who did it for him if he wanted to. Harry and the others, though, ended up doing homework while Kaiba studied his magic books, and Ishizu made Marik study, too, Yu-gi however, didn't open any books even though there were tons lying around waiting to be read. And so the first few week's at Grimmauld Place passed.

_**Author's Note**__: Not as funny as it could've been but I had to get all the talking about the Millennium Items out of the way. Next chapter, I'll parody it properly – and we'll introduce a Mary Sue, I think, because all good Harry Potter Xovers seem to have them. _


	3. Book Lists

**Harry Potter and the Curse of the Millennium Items **

**Chapter Two **

The Yu-gi-oh gang were bored. All they had done all week was clean. Even Kaiba cleaned after reading his books for the thousandth time. Although Kaiba cleaned with much complaining: he had better things to do. But the fact remained that he couldn't get his laptop computer to work with all the magic in the air. So he resorted to grumbling under his breath much like Kreacher the house-elf who everyone found highly disturbing. The one high point, Yu-gi had supposed, was Harry Potter's disciplinary hearing. In which Harry had been accused of using underage magic outside school and had got off scot-free due to the fact Albus Dumbledore seemed to have miraculously got him off. Moving right along, the Yu-gi-oh gang were so bored that they had decided Fred and George's joke shop idea was highly amusing. Except for Kaiba who decided they were ridiculous. Go figure.

'So they do what exactly?' Anzu asked suspiciously looking at the chew Fred held in his hand ((yes, _yes _I said this was the American version. However, spelling Tea's, or Teia's name in American is extremely annoying. You don't know which version is right, so I'm going with Anzu because I can spell it.)).

'Generally make your nose bleed,' Fred said cheerfully.

'We haven't yet worked out an antidote for them though,' George continued just as cheerfully.

'We're getting there,' Fred said finishing his twin's sentence, 'Just a bit more tinkering should do it all right. That's why we need you to test it.'

'Are you insane?' Anzu demanded angrily, 'I'm not trying that thing! Why not try it on somebody without the intelligence to know that that thing could possibly land them in the hospital?'

Fred and George exchanged significant looks. The thought must have flashed through their mind at exactly the same time. It was the blonde haired teenage boy, the one Kaiba called mutt, or mongrel, or loser, or geek, the one everyone else called Joey. Joey wasn't exactly bright when it came to sweets. He hadn't yet learned not to touch anything that Fred and George gave him. He was an ideal test subject. Identical twin smirks spread across their faces as they went to speak to Joey. Anzu just simply rolled her eyes and went to talk to Yu-gi about it. He, naturally, had an adverse reaction to what Anzu expected.

'They're going to _what_?' Yu-gi demanded angrily to his girlfriend.

'Test their _Skiving Snackboxes _on Joey,' Anzu said calmly, 'All that happens is your nose bleeds for a while uncontrollably. Joey has to learn some_how_.'

So Yu-gi thundered over to where Fred and George were. At the point of arrival, however, Joey's brain had departed him when he saw the sweet. His eyes went all big and round and he took it. Yu-gi snatched it from Joey's hand and pocketed the sweet, glaring angrily at Fred and George.

'Why did you give that to Joey?' Yu-gi said angrily, 'You know he likes sweets!'

'Precisely,' Fred said cheerfully, 'Lighten up Yug. It's only a sweet.'

'That's right!' Joey complained, 'A sweet! I don't see what's wrong with it. It can'ta done much harm.'

'Yes it could have,' Yu-gi said darkly, 'It would have made your nose bleed and your self shrivel up because they haven't worked out how to fix it.'

'Oh,' said Joey with what looked like dawning comprehension.

When suddenly there were lots and lots of owls zooming everywhere. Now you would think this was highly suspicious that Ministry Owls could find Order of the Phoenix Headquarters, but nobody seemed to quite think of it that way. What made them think the Ministry weren't tracing the Order of the Phoenix right now? But anyone intelligent enough to come up with this question would come up with just as easy an answer: _they didn't believe Voldermort had returned, therefore the Order of the Phoenix had no reason to exist_. Or, as we can so aptly put it, the Ministry had no reason to suspect there even _was _an Order of the Phoenix. So no one thought anything other than: oh _owls_! Our booklists are here!

Harry and everyone else scoured the book list. They immediately found the odd book out: the one that didn't really fit with anything they'd attempted to learn so far. The one that was so basic, it didn't make sense that it was in _everyone's _school book list. However, no one had yet made the connection that they were all getting the same book. All they came up with was:

'Wow Dumbledore's actually found a new Defence Against the Dark Art's teacher!' Hermione said sounding amazed.

'I'm surprised he could,' Fred said darkly, 'When you look at what happened to the last four.'

'Yeah, one dead, one's memory removed, one's a werewolf, one's locked in his trunk for nine months,' Harry said ticking them off and failing to notice the dodgy bit right at the end of his sentence. Nobody else did either except for the author who chuckled animatedly.

'I can see why people say the job's jinxed,' Hermione said calmly.

'Don't be ridiculous,' Kaiba growled angrily, 'There's no such thing as a job anywhere being jinxed.'

'There is!' Hermione protested angrily, 'I mean, well, look at the evidence as to why people think it: the last four teachers gone in mysterious circumstances. The teacher's before that were only able to teach for a year. Why wouldn't people think it was jinxed?'

'Because people are stupid,' Kaiba suggested as Joey's nose started bleeding uncontrollably, 'Especially the mutt.'

'Don't you call me mutt Kaiba!' Joey protested through a mouthful of blood.

'You had one of those Nosebleed things didn't you?' Yu-gi asked exasperated, 'I dunno why I bother.'

And with that the chapter comes to a nice, dramatic, close.

**Author's Notes: **_What have we learned people? _

_Lmao._

_Thanks for your reviews. I love reviews. Sorry I didn't thank you for them in the last chapter. I was in a hurry to get it up – I know this one is also pointless. But they're fillers until they get to Hogwarts and actual things and events start happening, and I introduce my Mary Sue. Booyah! Only we don't call her Mary Sue or make any references to her, okay??? _


	4. Diagon Alley

**Harry Potter and the Curse of the Millennium Items **

**Chapter ****Three **

The previous day or so Ron and Hermione had been made _Gryffindor Prefects_. Ron had got a brand new broomstick, and they'd all had a enormous party to celebrate. Yu-gi thought this was an interesting insight to the way wizards did things. So did Anzu. Kaiba thought it was a waste of his time. Marik and Bakura didn't think much of it. Joey just thought it was a lot of fun and threw up after drinking too much Butterbeer.

The day _finally _came when Yu-gi-oh cast had to go to Diagon Alley. Now this has to be done even though Book 5 doesn't portray Harry Potter going to Diagon Alley. So there's no worrying about what the trio and Fred and George are doing, well, they're spending some unproductive time in Grimmauld Place refusing colour-coded sweets from Fred and George. Yu-gi was momentarily worried that Joey would be stupid enough to eat one of them then remembered he was going to Diagon Alley with them. So, with a sigh of relief he decided he could relax and not worry about what Joey was going to do next. How wrong he was.

Anyway, they soon found out that Diagon Alley was a lot more than pretty colours and bright coloured shops. There were also ice cream parlours, potion supply stores, and post offices. But first they had to do go Gringotts to get money. After exchanging Muggle money for Galleons, they proceeded into Diagon Alley to look at the _finest _of odds and ends that there ever was to see. It didn't take them long to realise that they'd lost Joey after buying all their textbooks at _Flourish and Blotts_. They found him a few minutes later trying out one of those toy broomsticks somebody had left lying around and flying gleefully two metres above the ground. Yu-gi politely and calmly told him to go give it back to whoever he had got it from. Joey complained – but Yu-gi was having none of it. If there was one thing he hated, it was having to play both mother and father to Joey who it seemed was very accident prone.

Finally, it was time for wands. They all lined up outside Ollivanders waiting for him.

'Well, well, Dumbledore told me to expect you lot,' Ollivander said mystically, 'I expect you'll need a special type of wand.'

After three hours of trying wands, the gang finally had one each. Yu-gi had one almost exactly like Harry's, except that it came from a different Phoenix so wouldn't have any counter charms against Lord Voldermort. Kaiba had Dragon Heartstring. _Duh_. Anzu had Unicorn Hair. Bakura had centaur tail hair along with Bakura. Joey had unicorn hair, too, but his was a very different style from Anzu's. Not that it mattered much anyway, because Joey didn't know what he was supposed to do with it anyway.

On that note they left Ollivanders – and ran straight into Maximillian Pegasus with a teenage girl who it seemed Kaiba instantly recognised. He completely ignored Pegasus and addressed her.

'What are you doing here?' he demanded to everyone's surprise.

'Hello to you too,' the girl said cheerfully enough.

'Kaiba-boy what a pleasure to see you again,' Pegasus said cheerfully, 'My daughter and I were just shopping for supplies.'

'You're daughter?' Yu-gi said in surprise.

'Ah Yu-gi boy,' Pegasus said acknowledging him while Kaiba and the girl were having what looked like an argument two feet away from them, 'That's right. I couldn't very well look after her while I was trying to take over the world, now could I? No, no, no, she's been attending Hogwarts for the last five years.'

Mrs. Weasley narrowed her eyes. Yes, yes, she's still there. She also doesn't approve of Pegasus—didn't you know? He's in the Order of the Phoenix, too! Gasp! What an unexpected surprise.

'Considering you tried to take over the world Pegasus I don't think it's suitable for you to –,' Mrs. Weasley said heatedly.

'To what Molly?' Pegasus asked cheerfully, 'Teach at Hogwarts? It's Dumbledore's decision my dear, I think he's qualified, don't you?'

Mrs. Weasley gritted her teeth in annoyance while Yu-gi looked on in shock completely ignoring Kaiba and the girl who looked like they had just finished their argument. But because the author wants a decent amount of suspense, she won't be saying what happened between them.

'Anyway,' Pegasus carried on, 'Thalia and I have lots of shopping to do. Thalia!' he called pulling her away from Kaiba, 'You can finish arguing when you're at school. Dumbledore can deal with it then.'

With that the two of them left, and with no proper description of Thalia, we shall just say she flounced off, her long curly blonde hair flowing after her. Kaiba looked annoyed enough as it was, no one _dared _ask why since he was in such a bad mood. However, it seemed they had lost Joey again after all that standing around. It took the rest of the day to find him.

**Author's Notes: **anything cruel you want to happen to Joey please tell me. I'm having trouble including all the characters in my chapters, too, so whoops! Yes, I know proper Mary Sue's have loads of description but there just wasn't time. Next chapter, maybe.

Thank you for your reviews you're so kind!


	5. On the Train

**Harry Potter and the Curse of the Millennium Items **

**Chapter ****Four **

Soon it came time to go to Hogwarts. September the first arrived on a hot sunny day despite it being surprisingly close to winter. Everyone raced around the house in a panic trying to get some last minute packing done. Yu-gi as usual had to supervise Joey's packing to make sure he remembered everything. Harry suggested getting Joey a remembrall. As usual, Marik and Bakura traded not so secret 'let's take over the world talks' that everybody overheard and chose to ignore. Kaiba vented his frustration by insulting everybody and making Ginny cry. For that, Kaiba received death threats from all Ginny's brother's and Harry. Kaiba as usual took no notice and insulted everybody anyway.

On the train Hermione and Ron announced they had to go to the _Prefects Carriage_. Harry sulked and went to find a compartment with the Yu-gi-oh gang and ended up running into Neville Longbottom. Soon, they found a compartment with inhabitants _Luna Lovegood _and _Thalia Pegasus_. Thalia looked decisively unhappy about being stuck in a compartment with Luna Lovegood, but wore an expression that said she basically had no choice and managed to look graceful whilst doing so.

Harry was watching Luna absently reading a magazine called the Quibbler upside down. That's when Neville decided to show everyone his Mimbulus Mimbletonia plant thingy or however it was spelt.

'It does really cool things,' Neville said enthusiastically.

'Really?' Asked Joey leaning in for a closer look.

'Yeah,' said Neville enthusiastically, 'The editor behind the scenes says it does, so it must do.'

'Wait who is this editor behind the scenes?' Harry asked sounding surprised, 'I didn't know we had one.'

'I think we got her in the last chapter,' Neville said seriously, 'She's decided to steer the plot forwards.'

'So what does it do?' Joey asked eagerly whilst ignoring the avid conversation about the editor behind the scenes.

Suddenly the plant let loose its wondrous goop. It sprayed all over Joey completely covering him with goop and somehow managing to get nobody else. Joey looked ignorant of what had just happened to him. Having no idea he was covered in goop, he sat down disappointed next to Anzu. To him, the plant hadn't done anything. Everyone else was just plain grossed out.

'Ew Joey!' Anzu cried out disgusted, '_Scorgify_!'

The spell cleaned Joey right up. Of course, it left an interesting odor behind which nobody could quite understand where it came from. Due to the editor behind the scenes being introduced, they all assumed it had something to do with her and let it be for a little while. Finally Kaiba spoke up.

'I think this editor behind the scenes thinks you're stupid, you stupid Mongrel,' Kaiba said to Joey.

'I'm not stupid!' Joey protested, 'I just got the short straw in this—whatever this is. Or don't you remember before this all started when we drew straws to see who would get the most crap dumped on him during the next few chapters?'

'Come on Seto,' Thalia protested, 'At least have the decency to have some sympathy for Wheeler. He didn't _ask _the editor behind the scenes to be mean to him. I think we should redraw straws just to make sure everything's fair.'

So they all drew straws just to make something interesting happen in the chapter. Unsurprisingly, Joey got the short straw once again. Kaiba gloated, he had one of the longer straws. Little did he know what getting that particular straw meant, though everyone else did. Because the editor behind the scenes _always _has the last say. Bakura and Marik got similar straws to the ones they got last time. Anzu's straw was slightly longer than Joey's, and Yu-gi's was the same size as Anzu's except coloured black and gold. Anyway, moving along from straws, the train suddenly screeched to a halt.

Everyone piled out – they'd already changed into robes, discussed straws, and even had a conversation about Luna Lovegood's father being the editor of the Quibbler, a lesser editor than the one behind the scenes. That was when Harry saw them for the first time.

The evil looking winged horses. They looked like skeletons, so were very creepy. They looked even creepier because they had bat like wings, but these bat like wings looked all scaly and things. Harry took a couple of steps backwards when he noticed they were carrying the carriages to Hogwarts. How stupid could you be to assume carriages pulled themselves? These were tame winged horse thingy's, to say the very least. Harry decided not to say anything in case anybody thought he was insane. Then an unfamiliar voice:

'First years, this way please, first years!'

All of them turned to look. Even Kaiba although he didn't get the significance of why he _was _looking in the first place. Harry and the trio plus Ginny did, though, and looked disappointed.

'Where's Hagrid?' Harry asked stupidly.

'Who's Hagrid?' Joey asked cheerfully having forgotten he had only moments ago been covered in plant goop.

'Gamekeeper and Care of Magical Creatures teacher at Hogwarts,' Hermione answered promptly having just shown up with Ron only moments before.

'I'm quite glad he's gone,' Luna said serenely, 'He wasn't a very good teacher, was he?'

'Yes he was!' Harry and the trio said together in one voice.

They seemed to have temporarily forgotten all the dangerous creatures Hagrid had brought to class. Like the Hippogriffs. Like the Blast Ended Skrewts. It didn't occur to him that they might _just _be better off without him endangering their lives. But Hagrid was a big friendly giant, or BFG for short, and they all loved him because he was a very _nice _half giant. So anyway, they bordered the carriages and then traveled into Hogwarts. For once Joey made it there without incident, little knowing that something even more horrible was just around the corner…

**Author's Notes: **I'll end the chapter here. I only wish I thought of the editor behind the scenes when I started this. But I think having her in now makes a lot of sense, anyway, because if you hadn't guessed, that's me, folks. I noticed while reading parody's that a lot of them have editors behind the scenes. I thought it would be good to include one of my own. Haha!

Thanks so MUCH for your reviews. Keep reviewing.

If you have any ideas for what can happen to Joey, I'm ready and willing to write it in. Joey _did _draw the short straw, after all.


	6. The Department of Creativity

**Harry Potter and the Curse of the Millennium Items **

**Chapter Five**

Thalia was watching the Sorting with avid curiosity. She wondered where each of them would end up. Probably Gryffindor, if the Editor Behind the Scenes had any sense. She stretched gracefully and hid a yawn. She gradually began to hope that Kaiba would be in the Ravenclaw House like she was. Then maybe they could pick up where they left off before Duelist Kingdom when they'd had their last major fight. Thalia went down memory lane trying to work out exactly what that fight had been about. Something to do with the _Blue Eyes White Dragon _and the way he went about collecting them? Probably. She blinked and came back to herself: Kaiba was now being Sorted. All the first years had been done rather quickly.

"_Hmmm Kaiba_," the Sorting Hat stated using Kaiba's last name and forgetting that it used everyone else's first, "_You're cold, all right. You don't like anyone finding things out about you, do you_? _Certainly ambitious, certainly Slytherin. But no, there's a loyalty that a Slytherin would never have, and an intelligence that is more like knowledge than cunningness…_"

"Get on with it," Kaiba growled growing impatient and in the process wondering how the Sorting Hat knew so much about him.

"_Could only mean…. _RAVENCLAW!" The Sorting Hat shouted the last word out to the general public, and the Ravenclaw table burst into applause.

Thalia watched her mouth hanging open gracefully as she could manage without looking like an idiot. So the Editor Behind the Scenes _was _lacking a bit of sense, then. But then, it must have something to do with the eventual Plot, or else Kaiba would have ended up in Slytherin or Gryffindor rather than Ravenclaw. Yes, it must have something to do with the Plot, Thalia decided and settled right back down, smiling at Kaiba as he sat next to her and her friends collapsed into giggles. Thalia went back to watching the Sorting. Bakura and Marik both were Sorted into Slytherin. It wasn't a surprise, not really. Hadn't Kaiba told her they'd once tried to take over the world? Hadn't Bakura nearly succeeded, maybe better than her own father had? Then it was Anzu's turn.

"_Hmm, strong sense of loyalty there. Quite loud, not afraid to voice your opinions_," the Sorting Hat mused, "_It must have taken guts to have a go at Kaiba when you did. Definitely brave, but again different from what would put you into Gryffindor. You prize friendship more than anything else, and that only leaves… _HUFFLEPUFF!" the Sorting Hat shouted the last word to the whole school.

Anzu trying to do her best impression of gracefulness, got up swiftly from the Sorting Stool and strode confidently to the Hufflepuff House. She only hoped Joey would not be going there, too, else she'd have a lot of bad luck to contend with. Especially when in the last chapter, Joey had once again drawn the short straw. She suspected the Editor Behind the Scenes intervention, since the Editor Behind the Scenes had the tendency to play god, or _goddess_, in the Editor Behind the Scenes case.

Then it was Yu-gi's turn. Ultimately, the Editor Behind the Scenes had already chosen a House for him without needing the Sorting Hat to confirm it. But McGonagall called him up anyway, and the Sorting Hat had no choice.

"_Well since your House has already been decided," _The Sorting Hat said miserably, "_You'll be In _GRYFFINDOR! _Though I think you should be joining your girlfriend in Hufflepuff_."

"How has my House already been decided?" Yu-gi asked quickly before he went to the Gryffindor House.

"_Because the Editor Behind the Scenes says it's essential to the plot_," The Sorting Hat sulked.

So Yu-gi joined Harry and the trio in the Gryffindor House puzzling over what the Sorting Hat had told him. He paid not much attention to the fact that Joey had been Sorted into Hufflepuff, nor to the fact that he nearly tripped over every single table on the way to actually getting there. He was quiet through Umbridge's speech about how she was _improving Hogwarts standards_ and that anyone who thought that You-Know-Who existed was a liar. Then he looked directly at Hermione and asked:

"If my being in Gryffindor is Plot related, how come everyone else got Sorted into a different house?" Yu-gi asked, "Surely it would make things more difficult to further any Plot related incidents."

"I personally don't know," Hermione said carefully, "But I think it's the Editor Behind the Scenes again. She's mentioned through all this chapter and the last one. I mean, usually in Parody Law, all of you should be in Gryffindor except Bakura and Marik who should be in Slytherin."

"So this is breaking Parody Law?" Ron asked stupidly.

"Yes," Hermione said simply, "But our Editor Behind the Scenes has had problems throughout the last four chapters. Apparently, it's the Originality Flaw."

"And that is what exactly?" Yu-gi asked now seriously interested.

"I don't know exactly," Hermione said surprising everyone, "But she has it. I think it's like a kind of sickness. It gets worse before it gets better. If she keeps on breaking Parody Law like this, she'll end up answering to the Department of Creativity who scorn all original thought and prefer keeping to the cliches. Well, that's if you're doing a Parody of course. However, if it's original, we wouldn't be seeing people like Thalia around much at all."

"You think we're going to see more people like Thalia?" Yu-gi asked dubiously.

"Quite possibly," Hermione concluded, "If the Editor Behind the Scenes doesn't want the Department of Creativity all over her arse, she's more likely to have these people flit throughout the Plot."

"So there are people more powerful than the Editor Behind the Scenes!" Harry exclaimed, "Thank god."

"Can't have everything being _too _original you know," Hermione answered firmly, "It'll ruin everything. That's why I expect we'll be seeing a lot of the Eighth Millennium Item and the Fourth God Card. You told me about them, remember Yu-gi? In the second chapter."

"Right," Yu-gi agreed begrudgingly as he and Harry went to the Gryffindor dormitory.

Ron and Hermione had to lead the first years to the dormitory for the first time, and Ron was complaining loudly about it.

Back at the Ravenclaw table Thalia was beginning to wonder why she'd broken up with Kaiba in the first place. It was her idea, too, which surprised her since in most Plot related instances he did the breaking up and telling her that she was much safer without him in her life. She wondered this even more as they went to the Ravenclaw tower, situated by the lake with an excellent view of the mountains and the lake. Then Thalia remembered before all this started that Kaiba drew the longest straw. Would it be possible that it had something to do with the Editor Behind the Scenes and everything that was involved with that mystery?

"What's wrong?" Kaiba asked her conveniently unaware that he wasn't supposed to care.

"Why did we break up?" Thalia asked him, "I remember fighting with you about something…"

"You weren't happy with the way I went about getting the Blue Eyes White Dragon cards," Kaiba said simply, "Threw a enormous fit about it as I recall. Then you said you'd never have anything to do with me ever again, which suited me just fine until now for some reason. I can only assume it's because of the Editor Behind the Scenes, _again_."

"Or it's magic," Thalia said trying to deny there was someone running her life after all the time she spent rebelling against authority.

Kaiba rolled his eyes as they came to a halt outside the Ravenclaw portrait. Thalia frowned, her features more beautiful than ever. Kaiba didn't know why he was doing it, but for some reason he kissed her. He was even more surprised when she kissed back, but got over it rather quickly. After a while they went into the Ravenclaw common room after answering the portraits question.

**Author's Note: **I thought this was a more than fitting way to end the chapter. Usually the relationship between Kaiba and the Mary Sue starts right about now, anyway. So there we go. Hope you're happy. Oh and the Department of Creativity might be having a look in on later chapters. I haven't heard from them yet so we'll carry on with the Plot, and hope they don't show else I'm gonna have to run and hide. **Eep!**

Thank you for your reviews, and to everyone who decided to put my story on alert! I have little emails sent to me that tell me these things, you see. Muwhahahahahahaha!


	7. Class with Pegasus

**Harry Potter and the Curse of the Millennium Items **

**Chapter Six**

The first week at Hogwarts was going smoothly. Joey, knowing that in the chapter before last he had drawn the short straw, was still extremely nervous that _something _was going to go wrong when he and Anzu made his way down to the Qudditch Pitch. He didn't know what, exactly, would go wrong, but all the same… Potions this morning had gone remarkably well. Nothing blown up, nothing exploded, nothing caved in or caused a mass evacuation like he had been expecting. The Editor Behind the Scenes was being remarkably quiet in the run up to Pegasus's class. That could only mean one thing, when he got to Pegasus's class, something big would surely happen unlike the small accidents at Grimmauld Place and on the train into Hogwarts. What Joey didn't know however, was that the Editor Behind the Scenes was currently having a row with the Department of Creativity and she couldn't keep an eye on all the characters at the same time while the Plot attempted to advance.

Anyway, the Qudditch Pitch was it's usual self. Standing in the middle of it was Maximillian Pegasus, and in the stands generally all the fifth year students. Gryffindor's, Slytherin's, Ravenclaw's… Joey's heart sank rapidly. _Ravenclaw's_. Maybe Kaiba was going to choose now to humiliate him. Kaiba was rather good at humiliating people. But no, Joey had found Kaiba in the crowd and he was kissing… Thalia? What was this…?

"Anzu I'm not seeing what I think I'm seeing am I?" Joey asked astonished.

"Ah I think you are," Anzu answered feeling quite shocked herself, "If you're seeing Kaiba kissing Thalia then yes, you are seeing it."

Joey was confused. Wasn't Kaiba supposed to be the one who didn't give a damn about girls yet? Weren't Tristan and Duke supposed to be the ones that flirted with anything in a skirt? Or was the Editor Behind the Scenes compensating for a lack of Tristan and Duke flirting with every girl they met by giving Kaiba a girlfriend? That was probably the most likely answer. He soon joined up with Harry, Ron, Hermione and Yu-gi. Yu-gi had apparently seen the same thing Joey and Anzu had and had made a surprised comment about it which Harry and the trio ignored. This was because Pegasus had decided to start class.

"Welcome to my class," Pegasus, like McGonagall and Snape, had the ability to demand respect from his class. What that basically meant was everyone was silent and eager and ready to listen to what he had to say. "Duel Monster's 101. First, we begin with learning about its history. Can anyone tell me… yes, Thalia?"

"Duel Monsters is a game _you _created for the twenty first century," Thalia said breathlessly, "but originally invented by the Ancient Egyptians. What they did was play on stone tablets, and summon monsters to challenge each other's strength. You usually had to be a powerful magician to be able to summon the monsters in the first place before they were adapted to take shape with muggle holographic technology."

"Correct, ten points to Ravenclaw," Pegasus said completely forgetting that Thalia was his daughter and that he wasn't supposed to be showing any favoritism, "Moving on. Who here knows how to play Duel Monsters?"

At least three quarters of the audience raised their hands. This was mostly muggleborns who knew how to play, and Harry had got quite a shock when Dean Thomas raised his hand. But Joey, who was seated with the Hufflepuff's, didn't much care. He had raised his hand along with Anzu. Anzu wasn't a bad duelist, but she wasn't particularly good either. Joey was slightly better, but not good enough to beat Kaiba, not yet. Even though he tried in nearly every episode of Yu-gi-oh that featured both Kaiba and Joey in the same dueling arena; he was nowhere near close enough to Kaiba's skill. Kaiba, however, _still _hadn't managed to beat Yu-gi in a duel because he had the Pharaoh, who the Editor Behind the Scenes has ignored for quite some time now, for no apparent reason what-so-ever.

"Now then," Pegasus continued, "What I want you to see before I teach you the rules of the game is a real duel monsters duel. So, because Thalia answered my question correctly earlier on the history of duel monsters, she can face an opponent… hmm, Yu-gi boy, why don't you come up here and be her challenger?"

Joey was again surprised. He thought _this _might be his ultimate humiliation. Apparently not, though he kept wondering when it was likely to happen. The Department of Creativity though was still having words with the Editor Behind the Scenes, and at this current time she could do nothing about the original, or lack of original plot themes carried out in the fanfiction. Joey, as afore said, knew nothing of this so was completely on edge waiting for the bad thing to happen to him.

Thalia and Yu-gi by this time had squared off against each other ready to duel. Thalia had already drawn her six cards to start off the game, Yu-gi closely followed suit. Both characters, cannon or otherwise, were preparing for the duel of a lifetime that would decide whether or not Yu-gi would keep his King of Games title. This was the stage where Yu-gi cried "Yu-gi-oh" and loads of flashy lights appeared signalling that the Pharaoh was now controlling Yu-gi's body. Thalia's eyebrows contracted ever so slightly as she noticed the change in appearance although nobody in the audience did except for maybe Yu-gi's friends.

"Ladies first," Thalia announced in an annoying sing song voice she adopted just for duels, "first, I'll put down two face down cards. I'll give you a little hint, they're not monsters. Moving along: I summon _Karebo _in attack mode."

The little fluffball appeared on the field looking all confused as to how it got there. The audience gasped in shock, some exclaimed how cute it was and was that really a monster at all? It only had 300 life points to its size. But Yu-gi knew well the advantages of using Karebo on the field, he'd used him to shield himself from Kaiba's attacks in their duel at duelist kingdom. This was when Kaiba first should have got the hint Yu-gi couldn't be beaten. But he hadn't: instead he'd tried to threaten Yu-gi by jumping off the castle ledge and kill himself claiming that if he lost he had nothing left to live for. Yu-gi's eyes narrowed, he'd used Karebo for more than just that, too. What was Thalia planning with the fluffball?

"All right," Yu-gi said deciding his first move, "I'll play two cards face down also and play Blade Knight in attack mode."

"HA!" said Thalia cheerfully, "By playing Blade Knight you triggered my trap card. Only I happen to have this card, and Papa made it especially for me. It's called the _Deck Destroyer_. It basically eats up monsters of Blade Knight's points and higher in your deck, automatically sending them to the graveyard."

"What? That's impossible!" Yu-gi exclaimed knowing full well it was quite possibly true.

"That's right, and I also move Karebo into attack mode," Thalia announced triumphantly, "And because you have no monsters to defend your lifepoints, I can move in for the direct attack. Go Karebo!"

Karebo even though he was quite a less powerful monster took away more than half of Yu-gi's life points. Yu-gi even seemed to have forgotten about his face down cards, or so it appeared. It soon appeared that he had not, however. Remember Yu-gi's ability in the first chapter to make spectacular comebacks? Well Yu-gi was going to attempt that now. It is strictly that, though, an _attempt_. Yu-gi dramatically tries to remove the rest of Thalia's trap cards from the field, instead, he unwittingly trigger's it.

"Ha! You activated my trap!" Thalia exclaimed just as triumphant as she had previously been, "Because you tried to move my trap card off of the field, it automatically activates, taking away 2000 of your life points. In return, I have to get rid of 2000 of my own life points, but that's a small price to pay to win the duel."

"Impossible!" Yu-gi complained, "Oh well. I guess I had to lose sometime. Well done, Thalia."

"Thanks Yu-gi," Thalia said prettily, as she smirked in Kaiba's direction. He was looking rather shocked that she'd won when he hadn't been able to.

Unfortunately, because Kaiba was cannon and Thalia is not cannon, the odds are rather in Thalia's favour for winning duels. But Kaiba and the others didn't know that. Or weren't supposed to, anyway. By this time, Joey himself was rather impressed with Thalia's dueling skills and winning by only taking two turns. It was a feat no one had previously managed in the history of duel monsters. Pegasus had given his daughter some swell cards, all right. So finally Pegasus continued the lesson explaining the finer points of the duel between Yu-gi and Thalia and some of the moves that were made. With that lesson concluded, Joey and Anzu made their way back to the castle.

"Great!" Joey exclaimed happily, "That was a really, really good lesson wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Anzu agreed just as happily, "For once nothing happened to you. Hey, don't we have Care of Magical Creatures now? SO why are we heading up to the castle?"

"Ah good point Anzu," Joey answered and the two turned around to go to Care of Magical Creatures.

Which turned out to be a big mistake, as the Editor Behind the Scenes had just got back from the Department of Creativity. To her dismay, she learned that the plot had advanced without her presence and decided to take it out on Joey. Simple enough really, a Hippogriff flew overhead and took a shit on him, leaving Hippogriff droppings all over Joey's nice clean robes. The worst part was, it stunk badly.

"I take it back," Joey complained, "What do I have to do not to get stuff squirted on me, have nose bleeds, and get shit all over my clothes?"

"Spend an entire chapter out of the Editor Behind the Scenes grasp," Anzu answered, "preferably while she's making the plot advance with Lord Voldermort and his Death Eaters.

"Oh right I forgot about them," Joey replied quickly, "I wonder what they're doing?"

"Nothing good," Anzu answered cheerfully, "I skipped ahead."

**Author's Notes: **A slightly longer chapter proceeding as a good parody should. After all, the Department of Creativity wants less original chapters, you know. Otherwise they're threatening too make my life not worth living. We shall see… if they want a war… I'll give them a war…

Thanks for your reviews! Keep reviewing please! I like reviews, did you know that?


	8. Lord Voldermort and Slow Progress

**Harry Potter and the Curse of the Millennium Items **

**Chapter Seven**

Lord Voldermort happened to be the evilest, vilest, dark wizard currently residing in Britain. That wasn't to say there wasn't any booming dark wizards elsewhere, they just happened to like keeping low profiles and terrorizing their victims into the darkest silences. Lord Voldermort was different. He was open about being a dark wizard. He particularly enjoyed torturing, torturing information out of people, and torturing and killing people he didn't like. Admittedly, most dark wizards enjoyed torturing people they didn't like. They also liked killing them, too. In a lot of ways, Lord Voldermort wasn't very different from other dark wizards. If other dark wizards knew about the Millennium Items, they'd be attempting to retrieve them as well. But most dark wizards didn't know about the Millennium Items, therein Lord Voldermort had no real opponents except Harry Potter who he'd tried and failed to kill when the teenager was a mere baby. No one dared bring up this fact. They'd end up on the long list on Lord Voldermort's bedroom door of people who he wanted to kill but couldn't quite yet because the Ministry for Magic was currently ignoring the fact that he had come back into power. He was using the opportunity well, too, trying to find out everything he could in regards to afore mentioned Millennium Items.

'What's on the agenda today?' Voldermort asked lazily as he attempted to remember why he'd called today's meeting.

'That Pegasus girl,' Lucuis Malfoy answered firmly, 'Wormtail was supposed to be doing the report but he got caught up in another fanfiction related crisis.'

'What's he doing today?' Lord Voldermort asked indifferently.

'Rescuing Potter because of some blood debt,' Lucuis Malfoy said lazily, 'Apparently because Potter saved Wormtail's life in book three, in this particular fanfiction they go into great detail about it. Any current research on the Millennium Items probably suffered as a result.'

'Okay then,' Lord Voldermort said shaking his head, 'Remind me to kill him when he gets back to prevent difficulties arising in our plans. I'm due in another fanfiction soon, so make the report's snappy.'

'The Millennium Items are currently residing in Egypt under the guard of Shadi,' Yaxley reported, 'Shadi is Guardian of the weights, ball, and key. The only problem is, Wormtail was supposed to be retrieving them and—'

'I know! The other bloody authors!' Lord Voldermort boomed, 'If I could kill them I would for interfering in the progress of the plot. Back to that Pegasus girl, Lucuis, why is she important?'

'She's involved with the eighth Millennium Item and the Fourth God Card,' Lucuis Malfoy said dramatically, 'Both are concealed within the Ministry for Magic's _Department of Mysteries_. We have to lure her there, just as we do Potter.'

'Wouldn't it just be easier to kill Potter when he's in the muggle world?' Avery complained, 'I don't see what the trouble is with him, anyway. If Dolores Umbridge had done the job properly with the Dementors we wouldn't be in this fix now, we'd only have Pegasus to worry about and destroy.'

'When did you get here?' Yaxley asked with surprise, 'I thought it was Lucuis, me and Nott and a couple of others.'

'Fanfiction duties,' Avery said grudgingly, 'And due to plot inconsistencies I somehow just appeared here to complain.'

'I don't want to know about anyone's fanfiction duties!' Lord Voldermort boomed, 'Or better yet, why not write your fanfiction schedules on the door so I can arrange Death Eater meetings around them? Then we'll be more productive.'

At the moment Lord Voldermort was very annoyed with the aimless chatter his Death Eaters were now enjoying. He wondered briefly where MacNair was, then remembered something about him being executioner in another fanfiction, grumbled, and then cursed under his breath about the Department of Creativity. As it was, he as scheduled to visit an untold number of fanfictions and he was glad he didn't have to make many appearances in this one. Now, if he could effectively destroy Potter and Pegasus both, he'' have an easier time at it if he didn't have to try and do it again and again and lose spectacularly just because the authors said he did. He'd have a much better time of it just sticking to his death in the original.

'But I thought the Editor Behind the Scenes was all powerful,' Avery complained, 'She should've commandeered Wormtail from whatever fanfiction he was working on, strung him here so we could get all the information we need.'

'I explained most of what Wormtail was supposed to reveal anyway,' Lucuis snapped angrily, 'And where's Snape? He was supposed to be bringing us useful news about something, too. This chapter has totally gone to hell.'

'Silence!' Lord Voldermort shouted now thoroughly irritated, 'We need that Pegasus girl because she's with the Eighth Millennium Item. We need that Yu-gi kid because he has the Pharaoh and the Millennium Puzzle. I'm surprised he's not gay with the Pharaoh, he spends every waking hour with the spirit. Apparently we need Bakura, because he has the Millennium Ring. We also need Marik, because he's got the Rod, or does Kaiba have the Rod this round?'

'Marik has the Rod,' Lucuis confirmed, 'Kaiba's just super-powerful and will defend that Pegasus girl to the death.'

'Can't have it both ways I suppose,' Lord Voldermort grumbled angrily, 'Every time we have to do a fanfiction with the Yu-gi and his mates, Kaiba's either got the Millennium Rod or has powers beyond anything we're supposed to be able to cope with. I wish they'd pick one and stick with it so I know which it is before I go charging in.'

'Be grateful he doesn't have the Millennium Rod then,' Yaxley commented calmly.

'All right I've got an appointment in another fanfiction anyway,' Lord Voldermort announced, 'How many of you are involved?'

A few Death Eaters raised their hands and made comments that maybe Snape would be in this one. They could never really work out whether he was a traitor or not in which particular fanfiction. Lord Voldermort just assumed Snape was on his side until proven otherwise or the author's decided to make him do really spectacular things. Then Lucuis Malfoy shook his head. Lord Voldermort was really expecting him to be in this fanfiction.

'Not me,' Lucuis said gravely, 'I'm trying to stop my son from being gay and sleeping with Potter in another fanfiction. These people honestly have no sense of reality in their minds at all… I swear… totally baka…'

With that the Death Eaters all started disapparating to other fanfictions they had to do little scenes in. Most of them had gruelly death scenes on the exception of Lucuis, who, to his surprise, found himself immersed in a totally different scandal than the one afore mentioned. Next to that, however, his role in this parody looked rather tame.

**Author's Notes: **Okay so sue me. The chapter went to all hell and back but I really just needed a filler, okay?

As always, thanks for your reviews. I'll keep them in mind for the next chapter.


	9. The Attack of the Screaming Fangirls

**Harry Potter and the Curse of the Millennium Items **

Chapter Eight 

The Slytherin Dormitory was down in the dungeons of the school. Marik and Bakura adjusted easily. Well, Marik did. Marik because he'd lived in an underground tomb and Bakura because he'd robbed them in the ancient past. Yes the trappings were nice and still the way they were in book two. If you don't remember, look at book two, take it from there. Moving along, Marik and Bakura had had a few nasty surprises. One: the other Slytherin's loathed them. Two: Apparently they were from the lowest order. It didn't mean to say, however, that Marik and Bakura didn't get one up on their tormentors.

Why, just now there was a trap laid out for Malfoy and his buddies. They didn't know it but Marik and Bakura had somehow managed to smuggle serious amounts of fangirls in from the local muggle village. As to how they'd got them within castle walls: a petition to Dumbledore did quite nicely.

'Are they coming?' One demanded, her hair a light coppery colour and her eyes sparkly blue.

'I dunno, I can't see them,' Another fangirl squealed just as the other one finished speaking.

'Here they come!'

Screams echoed throughout the corridor. Marik and Bakura who were extremely good at hiding and had loads of experience at it, were watching with smirks spread wide across their faces as the fangirls jumped Malfoy. Malfoy in short, looked utterly petrified with what was happening. He tried to scream. Pansy tried beating them away with sticks. It didn't work because the fangirls were all Mary Sues and had an amazing amount of unlimited power.

'Ouch,' Marik said quietly, 'Glad that's not me.'

'It's not as if the idiots didn't deserve it,' Bakura said calmly, 'This is more fun than tormenting the Pharaoh in that last Shadow Game we played.'

'You did lose that one,' Marik stated shaking his head, 'I don't see how losing was much fun.'

'Can't have been much fun being insane either, but then again, we're both optimists,' Bakura retorted making them both laugh loudly.

They had every right to be glad it wasn't them. Although this incident isn't directly plot-related in any way, it was a great pre-cursor to what happened next. Snape and Dumbledore having a loud argument in the school grounds that suddenly distracted Marik and Bakura. As they watched, open mouthed, they forgot all about the Mary Sue fangirls totally destroying Malfoy's uniform. Some of them were screaming loudly enough to be heard up several flights of stairs.

'You are taking too much for granted,' Snape said loudly and angrily.

'I am only asking a small favour of you,' Dumbledore said shortly, 'I do not see why it bothers you so much.'

'Why it bothers me so much? You want me to commit an act of violence that would totally harm yourself, and possibly others around you,' Snape growled ever more angrily.

'You've had no qualms about violence before, Severus,' Dumbledore announced pretending not to take any notice of Marik and Bakura, 'Is this perhaps the heart that I have rarely seen showing itself?'

'I do not think the boy should be offered up for slaughter,' Snape said roughly, 'And I also do not think that any more of you.'

'As always it is for the greater good,' Dumbledore said calmly, 'I would not ask it of you if it were not important. Think things through, Severus, before you give me an answer. There is still time.'

With that Dumbledore walked, or rather, _strode_ away leaving Snape standing there looking at his hands. Snape withdrew his wand and seemed to be glaring at it as though it contained some kind of disease. Marik was sure that if he could have, he would have thrown it away and forgotten all about it. As it were, though, Snape tucked the wand away into his robes and followed Dumbledore not long after. With that, Marik turned to Bakura with a more than thoughtful look.

'I never thought to see Dumbledore asking something like that of someone,' Bakura said quietly, 'If that isn't evil, I don't know what is.'

'You in a particularly violent mood,' Marik said cheerfully, 'But you're right. What was Dumbledore asking Snape to do that he didn't want to do?'

'Perhaps we're not supposed to work it out yet,' Bakura suggested saying the brightest thing he had that day.

'It would appear that way,' Marik mused, 'But I think we should have a look around and find out more. Your Millennium Ring could help us discover what Dumbledore is _really _up to.'

'Dumbledore's not evil,' Bakura said promptly.

'I wouldn't be so sure,' Marik said darkly.

That's when, of course, it looked like the Mary Sue fangirls had turned on them. How were they supposed to get any real snooping done with fangirls running about the school, Bakura wondered. Then he took a closer look. These weren't the fangirls he'd set against Malfoy. This was a completely different set all together, screaming wildly for all they were worth. These were fangirls that totally adored both of them. Bakura paled dramatically. Even Marik's skin drained of most of its colour.

'What do we do now?' Marik asked Bakura his voice barely coming out in a squeak.

'Run!' Bakura summarized as unafraid as he could manage at that particular point in time, 'I think we can call this karma. I also think we have to find a way to rid Hogwarts of fangirls.'

**Author's Notes: **Well this chapter was a delight to write. I finally got some plot-advancement going but this isn't something that'll matter in this particular book. Oh well.

Thanks for your reviews. I do appreciate them.


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